5 Taboos in Negotiations

I recently finished an authored course on negotiating deals — originally built for my own company. One part of it is about what you should never do or say while those negotiations are underway.

— Never get personal with insults. The most serious conflicts I’ve watched unfold in life were never about money — they were about someone insulting someone else, especially in public. A few of them ended tragically. No need to repeat the sad experience of those people.

— Don’t personalize the problem. Instead of tying it to specific people — which will inevitably lead to blame and a counter-reaction — it’s better to describe it from the outside: “it looks like the deadline has slipped,” “this reads like a failure to deliver,” “it seems the work can’t be finished.”

— Don’t rise above the other person — even if, and especially when, you hold “leverage” over them! No matter how much “higher” we might feel in the business or social hierarchy compared to the other side, politeness and tact are not a sign of weakness — quite the opposite, they’re a marker of professionalism and status.

— Don’t threaten directly. Unfortunately, sometimes there’s no way around hinting at possible actions if things go badly. But it’s better to do it indirectly — for example: “we’re glad you value how promptly we pay,” “good thing neither you nor we have to pull strings to settle this.”

— Don’t look like someone who makes decisions alone. Whoever shows that they decide everything themselves becomes an easier target for pressure, blackmail, or even threats. Even if the final call is yours, it’s always better to take a pause and point to the need to consult partners, colleagues, advisers, and so on. Even heads of state aren’t shy about using this move.

Here’s to reliable partners with whom these rules will never be needed! 😎