How Do We Undervalue Ourselves?

We often hear that growth requires being hard on ourselves. Even the stoic Marcus Aurelius wrote: “Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.”

But at times an excess of self-criticism does the opposite — it quietly leads us to discount our own skills and strengths next to other people. How does that happen?

Say we do something well. We’ve been at it for a long time and have pushed the skill to impressive heights. But that kind of progress often comes with two side effects:

— We start to see the edges of our knowledge ever more clearly, understanding and accepting that there’s far more we don’t know than we do.

— Endless ideas come to us for how the work could be improved, and there’s no ceiling on perfection.

And here our mind plays a cruel trick on us: we measure ourselves on a scale that runs from an unreachable ideal on one end (infinity) to a complete absence of the skill on the other. On that scale we land in an unenviable spot, somewhere close to zero. It can get to the point where our achievements feel not all that significant — as if almost anyone could have done the same thing.

So when the moment comes to put a value on our work in front of others, that line of thinking leads us to lowball it — and, with it, the price. Sometimes all the way down to a private shame: “How can I charge that kind of money for something that isn’t perfect?”

What’s surprising is that, from what I’ve seen, this shows up even among quite successful people.

And the consequences?

By quoting a price below expectations or below the market, we create a dissonance in the client that breeds its own thoughts:

— our product or service must be low quality;

— our work can’t take much effort;

— we’re easy to replace.

In the end, our authority erodes, especially over the long run. And if on top of that we’ve shared the inner workings of our craft, simplifying it all to the bone, our value in the client’s eyes can fall to zero entirely.

What can we do?

Always remember — what may be elementary for us, thanks to our talents, our effort and our mastery, is for others a great value, bordering on a miracle.

It’s always better to overestimate your abilities first and haggle a little than to belittle your own worth.

Here’s to seeing our own value clearly — and not being shy to name it! 😎