On Not Seeming Perfect

“A gentleman’s suit should look as if he had put it on by accident.” — Hardy Amies.

At times, when something we set out to do actually works, we want to “shine” — to look like the gold standard. But people don’t like the perfect ones. Why? A lot of us carry an inflated ego, and other people’s wins can bruise it. And if it’s our own achievement on the table, why wound someone’s feelings over it? What do we gain?

Envy is a hidden threat — it works against us quietly, in the dark. Where someone might have helped us in a hard moment, they’ll ignore us at best and sabotage us at worst. Some will criticize, insisting we got there by cutting corners; others will slip sticks into our spokes when no one’s looking. And the two most dangerous categories, once that spark of envy catches in them, are the people closest to us and the ones we were once equals with but, for whatever reason, outgrew.

What can we do to sidestep someone else’s envy?

— Share our problems: however different the difficulties we’re each working through, all of us live with worry, doubt, and uncertainty.

— Play up the role of luck and chance in what we’ve achieved.

— Don’t brag about our talents — and play down how much they matter.

— Name the sacrifices we’ve made on the way to success and influence.

— Ask for advice — we can’t possibly know everything better than everyone.

— Express gratitude, pointing to what other people contributed to our progress.

Nobody’s saying we should play poor all the time. But our image shouldn’t come off as too polished, too ideal. Others need to feel that we suffer too, that we also need support now and then, that we have our own troubles and our life isn’t all blue skies — which, honestly, is the plain truth.

Worth noting: just as we don’t go looking for envy from others, it’s worth smothering the faintest stirring of it in ourselves.

Here’s to dodging envy at all costs! 😎