On the True Goal of a Negotiation

Every day, often without even noticing, we negotiate: at home, at work, in business, with friends, as guests at someone’s table. But how often, stepping into a conversation, do we actually ask ourselves: “What is the true goal of this negotiation?” It turns out to be less simple than it looks at first glance.

Three examples:

— A deal with partners. An employee proudly tells the boss that he pulled off a manipulative trick and squeezed slightly better terms for the company. The boss asks: “We’ll be working with these people for years to come. What was our true goal?” The right answer — to build trust. Will a manipulation make a good foundation for a long-term partnership?

— A quarrel between people who love each other. It starts over nothing, emotions flare, and now both sides are ready to tell each other where to go. What’s the true goal? To part forever? Hardly. If the goal is to keep the relationship, then the heat instantly loses its point, and what matters now is finding words of support.

— An employee called in for questioning. They summon him to give a statement, reassuring him: “We understand you had nothing to do with it, this is just a formality.” The true goal, though, is to gather as much information as possible and, perhaps, to find grounds for a violation.

It matters to understand not only your own true goals, but the other person’s too. Neither set always lies on the surface.

The skill of reading the goals in a negotiation deserves attention and practice. It helps us avoid needless conflicts, build relationships of trust, and reach long-term results rather than just the gains of the moment.

Here’s to all of us seeing the true goals of a negotiation clearly — our own and the other side’s! 😎