Our Life Is a Sum of Roles

A long time ago I came to a simple idea: one of the easiest ways to keep moving forward, step by step, and to stay at peace inside, is to identify the «roles» in our life and play each of them with everything we’ve got. And succeeding in one of them tends to open up new roles — and with them, new possibilities and new horizons.

Take 2003. I was twenty, and a friend and I opened a shop selling tuning parts for cars. It was, as people would say now, a hype story. We started with no hired staff — we were the founders, the salesmen and the stock boys all at once. The shop sat in a rough part of town, which let us save on rent. Now and then the local guys would drop in, and their manners and behaviour, to put it gently, left something to be desired — while the odds of them actually buying anything hovered near zero.

I’ll be honest: at first this really got to me. But then I found a way out. I simply started «playing» the role of the perfect salesman — describing the products in detail, demonstrating them, taking the jokes about my baby face with patience. At first it was through gritted teeth, but in time I learned to switch between roles with ease: a business owner across the table from a supplier, and a salesman for anyone who walked through the door. That experience turned out to be priceless.

A lot has changed since then, but the concept has stayed the same.

We can be the boss to some, the «punching bag» in meetings with more senior people (where everyone in the room is getting an earful anyway), or the professional for our clients. What matters is knowing exactly which role is yours, here and now — because being the boss with your clients or your friends, or «showing off» in a meeting with the higher-ups, is simply out of place. Sadly, you see it all the time, especially in the service world, when it sometimes feels to us that we’ve suddenly become «owed» something by certain staff the moment we step through the door.

Old American films often show young people ready to take any job for a shot at proving themselves: «I’ll even park your car.» It’s a perfect illustration of someone who deeply understands their role and trusts that doing the work honestly won’t go unnoticed — that in time it leads to new offers and new openings.

These days, though, we often watch young specialists slip straight into the role of the boss and then fail to understand why they keep running into resistance and friction. Most likely they’ve watched one too many leadership TikToks about «seeming, not being».

One of my own little discoveries: all the frequent flying and airport chaos taught me to find calm in the role of the traveller. Understanding that we’re all in more or less the same boat — just trying to get from point A to point B — helps me stay even. And the fact that someone is breathing down my neck or ramming my legs with a suitcase isn’t a personal insult; it’s just a sign of the nervousness that comes, say, with a fear of flying.

Why is it hard to name and accept our roles? Because it asks for a radical acceptance of reality and of ourselves within it, with the ego and pride set aside.

One thing worth understanding: the concept of roles doesn’t mean trading away our values. It only helps us act in a way that fits the situation, while keeping our true identity intact.

Here’s to us all being the best actors of our roles, here and now! 😎