Where Guesswork Leads

One of the quirks of the human brain is its urge to fill in the blanks whenever information runs short. In effect, we keep making things up — building our own private versions of reality. The brain takes whatever data it has and extrapolates from past experience and similar situations, hungry for a whole, coherent picture.

Uncertainty makes us uncomfortable. The brain either craves something solid to go on (curiosity), or it invents an explanation of its own. And that explanation can swing either way — flattering or grim. We all know the feeling of winding ourselves up over nothing, only to discover later how far off our guesses were, and how needless all that worry turned out to be.

Filling in the gaps can be harmless enough in everyday life. But sometimes we have to make important decisions with too little data — or without the faintest hint of any. And that’s where it gets interesting.

How often do people think and act based on their assumptions about how their words or deeds will land with the other side?! The scale of these fantasies is bottomless, especially when the goal is to impress someone or close a deal in our favour.

In practice, though, the hypotheses turn out wrong more often than not: other people’s thoughts and reactions can be entirely unexpected, at times the exact opposite of what we braced for. You can’t game out every scenario. The world is far stranger and more intricate than our boldest guesses. Worse, all that “filling in” distorts the very thing we were trying to convey — and we end up with the opposite of what we wanted.

And then comes the classic exchange: “Why on earth did you do that?” — “Well, I figured that…”

Sure, it’s good practice to gather as much as you can about the other side, for a finer, deeper read of them. But it’s better done by testing your hypotheses and surfacing facts, not by spinning theories. And sometimes it’s enough to simply ask, if you have the chance. Maybe to ask in a few rounds.

The key is to stay honest with ourselves about what we actually know as fact and what we’re merely assuming. Though there’s a catch hiding here too: what was true yesterday may have gone stale by today.

In my view, the base principle of communication is to express our thoughts without distortion — to say exactly what we mean, while keeping to the bounds of courtesy and tact.

Strange as it sounds, in today’s world stating your thoughts with crystal clarity has become a rare quality! People have grown used to saying what they think the other person wants to hear, rather than what they actually mean. No surprise that these “good intentions” only widen the gap in understanding. Maybe what’s needed is a little more courage?

Where the guessing starts, exaggerations, distortions and hidden facts soon follow — and then… lies. And where does that road lead in the end?

Here’s to saying exactly what we mean — and to not guessing on other people’s behalf! 😎