On Disagreeing Without Hating Your Opponent

“Wisdom is to sit across from one another and discuss the opinions we disagree on, without trying to change each other.”

The modern media is bursting with radical headlines, artfully built to provoke the maximum polarization of opinion. Why? It all comes down to the hormones we release when we run into something sharply emotional and contested. We want to argue these topics, because they excite us and pull us in.

At times, especially when words get torn out of context, we start to see particular people as our worst ideological enemies. But what if we meet that person face to face and simply talk — a casual conversation, steering clear of the contested topics? Almost always, we discover how much we have in common: hobbies, tastes, private worries, the same concerns about our health.

Deep down, we are all very much alike. Each of us frets over our own problems, reaches for happiness, wants to be understood. By respecting one another as people, even when our views pull apart, we can find common ground that unites us far more than it divides us.

Imagine that out of a hundred ideas you discuss with someone, ninety-nine line up completely, and only one sparks disagreement. Yet it’s often that single idea that breeds the conflicts that wipe out any chance of working together. How many opportunities we miss when we let one contested point dictate the terms of the whole relationship!

Here it’s worth taking a page from the best politicians, who understand that even with opponents you can — and should — look for areas of contact and shared work. To respect another’s position and find compromises for the common good is a wonderful skill.

Peace in our conversations begins with understanding that a difference of opinion need not curdle into personal hatred. We don’t have to agree with every aspect of another person’s view to treat them with respect and kindness.

Here’s to meeting differences of opinion with an open heart and respect for the other! 😎