On Waiting for a Miracle

We all carry an innate urge to believe in miracles. It’s a universal feature of the human mind. We run into a problem, bring in someone to handle it, and if we lean toward optimism, our brain wants to tick the box right away and call the problem solved. We build ourselves a little illusion that everything’s fine now. We relax and tell ourselves, “Great, not my worry anymore,” and move on to other things.

But often enough time passes, and the problem isn’t just still there — it’s gotten worse. And now we’re in a tight spot: we missed the moment, lost control of the situation, and end up angry at the contractor and at ourselves. Though what does that matter, when it’s already too late?

A problem isn’t solved until it’s actually solved.

I’ve fallen into this illusion countless times, and I still fall into it now and then. However competent the person looks, whatever the reviews say, however lovely our history of working together has been, experience tells me one thing: you can ease up on control only when there are clear signs that the work is on schedule and every goal is being met. That means positive feedback from the key people involved, risks kept to a minimum, and a plan B with the legal support to actually execute it if it comes to that. Only then can control go back to the normal mode our field runs on.

If something goes sideways and the situation stays unresolved — without a clear sense that this is genuinely force majeure, and without real confidence that this is the person we’re ready to go all the way with, trusting them completely — it’s worth sounding the alarm right away and looking at alternatives.

Some of the most painful mistakes I’ve made came from clinging to the illusion that it would all somehow sort itself out. Holding on to a contractor, hoping he’d turn things around — especially when he assures us he will and paints a vivid picture of exactly how. We want to believe it, because believing spares us a whole pile of new actions: filing complaints, terminating the contract, bringing in another company, sorting out conflicts ourselves, and so on.

It does feel unfair, of course, that after hiring someone and paying for their work, we still have to spend resources — emotional, temporal, financial — keeping an eye on them. Hoping for unconditional success is so much simpler and more comfortable.

It’s worth noting that there’s a sensible line between control and hyper-control. I’m arguing for the first. If we feel the pull toward the second, that’s a signal — either that we ourselves lean toward over-involvement, or that it’s time to change the counterparty.

May we all let go of the illusion that a problem will vanish the moment we’ve found the person who, we think, will solve it! 😎