On Friends and Discounts

There’s a cultural quirk in Russia that runs all the way back to the Soviet Union. Back then you couldn’t buy much — but you could “get hold of” it. Through acquaintances, through friends, through friends of friends. Scarcity bred a whole system of unwritten rules: if you had “your person” somewhere, the matter could be settled faster, cheaper, or for nothing at all.

That logic grew deep into everyday culture. Even once the shortages were supposedly gone, the habit stayed. From childhood I watched how people sometimes “befriended” each other not because they enjoyed the company, but because through someone you could get something: access, a favor, a discount, an opportunity. I couldn’t put it into words yet, but I felt there was something strange in relationships like that.

Over time the theme started showing up in business life too. I began to notice how often friendship automatically carries the expectation of special treatment: make it cheaper, give a little, “help me out the way you can.” And if it sounded like a request, fine — but often it looks more like an expectation that has quietly become a fact.

It’s important not to swing to extremes here. Friendship doesn’t have to mean everything must cost the same. There is such a thing as sincere generosity: someone says, all on their own — “for you, of course,” “this one’s on me.” There’s a lot of warmth in gestures like that. They come from a wish to share, not from an expectation of gain. There’s an old saying: “For friends, everything; for enemies, the law!”

But there’s another side to it. When a favor becomes an unspoken demand, friendship quietly turns into a form of using each other. And it doesn’t always happen on purpose — more often it’s just habit.

I noticed one more curious pattern. When I gave acquaintances a price well below the usual, the result was almost always unexpected: the lower the price, the more my work got devalued, and the more dissatisfaction came back at me over the very same result. Paradoxical, but true.

The most instructive moment happened about seven years ago. When I came into a certain amount of power and the ability to sway decisions, I suddenly caught myself doing exactly what others had once done to me — the very thing that used to drive me up the wall. Calling someone and saying: “Listen, cut me a deal here, help me out there… you understand.” That phrase, “you know who I am,” started seeping into my vocabulary without my noticing. It’s a contagious disease. Deeply contagious. It destroys a person fast, and to the applause of their own ego.

I caught it in time and stepped out of that game. It hurt.

Real relationships show themselves not in how we use each other’s opportunities, but in how we treat the work and effort of the people around us.

Sometimes friendship really can move mountains — precisely where money is powerless. But it always begins with mutual respect.

Here’s to all of us defending people’s right to be fairly paid for their work — especially when they’re the people closest to us! 😎