On Negotiations Won in Advance

At times I meet people who treat negotiations like this: “I’ll show up, and we’ll see how it goes.” No clear sense of the goal, no measurable markers. Some don’t see negotiation as a skill that can and should be developed at all, but as something self-evident: “I know how to talk, so I know how to make a deal.”

For me — with time always in short supply — leaving the outcome to chance is a luxury I can’t afford.

When I walk into important negotiations, I need to know that everything possible has already been done to make them go well. I gather information, I think through the structure of the conversation — and even that isn’t enough. By the time we meet, the other side shouldn’t merely be informed — they should already be holding the “right” emotional and conceptual context.

That means that, ideally, the other side:
— has already felt the pain I’m offering to solve;
— has weighed the losses if no agreement is reached;
— knows the deadlines and the time constraints.

These pieces are shaped in advance: through third parties, through the deliberate engineering of situations, and sometimes by simply waiting until external circumstances bring the right moment on their own. Sometimes a whole team works on this. At first glance it might look excessive, but when the negotiations genuinely matter, it’s better to spend your strength and energy building the context than to patch up a failure afterward — or miss the opportunity entirely. Here I take my cue from the practices of politicians, entrepreneurs and leaders on a global scale.

For me, the ideal negotiation is the formalization of a decision already made. When everything has already settled inside both sides, and all that’s left is to put the result into words, agree on the final details and terms. And, well, to haggle a little — for the sake of tradition and business etiquette. With proper preparation, negotiations go quickly, calmly and effectively. And the fewer the words, the higher the perceived power and status.

But if it takes long persuasion and a flood of arguments, that’s a signal the foundation hasn’t been laid — and maybe the moment hasn’t come yet. Then it’s better not to push: you can do harm and break even what has already ripened.

Here’s to shaping the ground for successful negotiations in advance — and reaching our goals! 😎