On the Limits of Responsibility

“You don’t have to be responsible for the world that you’re in.” — John von Neumann

I’m a hyper-responsible person myself. That has its upsides, but over time I started noticing more and more downsides. Watching other people, I saw just how blurry the borders of our worrying can get.

Some don’t sleep at night because of what their bosses are doing, or the country’s political leaders, or global geopolitical events. People eat themselves alive over what feels like the injustice of the whole system. Some go into open battle, some carry that disagreement silently inside. And in a few I see it grow into something like hatred — of others, of the world, and most often of themselves — largely out of the helplessness of being unable to meaningfully change what’s happening around them.

I’ve long been fond of the phrase “What is, is” — as accepting a fact without trying to argue with it or dress it up, as acknowledging both the good and the bad at once. Stoicism teaches us to accept what we can’t change, and to draw a clear line between the things that are within our control (our thoughts and reactions) and the things that aren’t (almost everything else).

Being responsible for yourself — wonderful. For your loved ones, in part — maybe. But beyond that?

Business, friends, society? Only for your own actions.

What’s more, too much responsibility strips the people around us of theirs — children and family members especially. At times, without realizing it, out of good intentions, we take it away from them: first it becomes a habit, then a settled pattern, and then we’re surprised at the rising infantilism — why have people suddenly become so passive and helpless?

In shrinking my responsibility down to only the things I can actually influence, I started finding a personal happiness, a sense of release, and the strength of energy freed up. It also widened my inner right to ask things of other people, not just of myself. And in case of failure — not to shoulder the whole burden of blame, the way I once did, though no one ever asked me to. Even when I was the one running the show.

Here’s to finding the limits of our own responsibility and pouring all our strength into creating, growing, and flourishing within them! 😎